My room smells like vodka and shame
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
