You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
