the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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