he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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