Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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