I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
