so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
honey bunches of taint.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
