I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
you had me at cake vodka
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
