if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
you are never too drunk for berry picking
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
