i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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