I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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