The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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