So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
