Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
