Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
