Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
