I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
