Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
