Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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