Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
