i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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