C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
