I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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