Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
