how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
