Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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