Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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