I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Randomize
