i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
