Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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