And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
false alarm, still single
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
