I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
