At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
