There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
