She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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