no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
