If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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