my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
