does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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