the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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