i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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