FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
