I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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