There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
