after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
