I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
