oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
