Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
So squirting runs in the family.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You need a sexual gate keeper
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
