4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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