Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize