I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
