If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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