we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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