tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
