i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
im six kinds of drunk right now
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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