Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
