Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
