Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I think I sprained my soul last night
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
