Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
