woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
