I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
