she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
