I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
