Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The power of my boobs compel you
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
