We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
