Nicole vs. Life
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
