ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
