My first STD was from a foam party
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
