It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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