Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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