Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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