is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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