Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
