there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
